Currently Listening Late Registration By Kanye West see related

- Touch the Sky, Gold digger, Addiction, Drive Slow, Celebration

Chapter 3

[Departure to Arrive – Education, Sex & Life in the City]

This may be the longest overdue entry..ha..ha..a…Don’t shoot.

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Its been a long time for this moment to actually arrive. Rather than being upstairs and packing, sorting and moving things around in my room, its 2am and I’m here on the computer…reflecting on the events of the last two years of my life.

I’ve come a long way and now I’m leaving Maryland, finally on my way to Chicago. Like everything else, I knew this day would come as bleek as things seemed, but patience isn’t my strongest virture. There’s so much to say, but why spoil all the details of how I got here and the intense process and events that have led to this.

The summer has been busy. Working, summer classes, hanging out with people and preparing for my arrival in Chicago is pretty much all I’ve been doing.

I feel like everyone’s rooting for me. My family, friends and several acquaintances who I’ve met along the way. At the same time, there’s this feeling that I cant shake off. How long is this happiness, anxiety and apprehension going to last until my house of cards come falling down. I’m leaving a suburban life in a glass house for the gritty, glitzy, urban, diverse streets of Chicago. There are so many possibilities of things that can go right…and go so wrong [during the process as well]. I’ll just have to take it as they come and handle it then, but I’m looking forward to it all.

I feel so much stronger now and I know there’s nowhere to go but up. While I type, I get this feeling that maybe it could be the last time, but I don’t want to speak too soon because I have a habbit of predicting things…and …

Its past 2 am…and there’s still much to do. I’m not a morning riser, but tomorrow, I will rise.

 My flight leaves on  Monday... 

Songs of the day

******** DeathCab for Cutie – “Sound of Settling” **********

*************Kanye West feat. Paul Wall “Drive Slow”  *******

Themes:

Coldplay – “Things I Don’t Understand”

Jack’s Mannequin (Lead singer/songwriter of Something Corporate) -- “Ready”

Currently Listening Plans By Death Cab for Cutie see related - Marching Bands of Manhattan, Soul Meets Body, Different names for the same thing

Currently Playing X&Y By Coldplay see related

- X & Y, Talk, Fix You, Twisted Logic, Square One, White Shadows, A msg - - - - - - -

Overdue Entries (Vague)

As I lie there last night, I remember back to when I was younger. It’s happening again…I thought. All my life, this always happens. I thought it had stopped. We even moved away and it still continues to happen. Its unfortunate. Can this be one of those signs of being destined for greatness? I rolled over to my side and thought about the future. I’m drawing up blanks. This is somewhat scary because I can always sense this thing in the back of my mind. Some kind of ironic tragedy that ends it all before it actually begins. My ending will be the beginning of what should have been. The story of my life.

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I’ve lost them. They no longer comply with what I wanted and what I lacked. I know how to get them back, like I’ve done in the past. Should I pull my old tricks? Its too easy and I would hurt people I care about in the process. Sometimes I scare myself. I could balance it out with good karma… I continued to tell myself…

But if I did it and got what I wanted, then what? Broken glass and hearts on the cutting room floor. What’s the point? To prove that I can do it. (Just do it) > says my evil side.

I’m thinking….

Damn, If I get in one of those moods where I don’t give a fuck, I seriously won’t give a fuck in regards to my actions and when it’s all over, I leave moving distancing myself from the situation.

This can get bad…(and good)…

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Hey everybody, ignore the vague shit above. A quick recap of my life includes:

·         Finishing this stupid ass semester with my worst grades ever

Not getting any scholarship money from my school that I’m transferring to despite my 3.8 GPA, being a student ambassador, an Honors student, AND Phi Theta Kappa member. Lack of money sucks balls.

·         I saw the film CRASH, which was great. Highly recommended for the ignorant and non-ignorant alike.

I saw Monster in Law this past weekend with Lindsay, which was cool as fuck cuz I hadn’t seen her ass in a long ass time. Walking and hanging with her was heaven. I had a great weekend overall.

·         I just came home from the end of the year student ambassador dinner, which was cool. I got an award.

I went to Philly last month to present a seminar @ Temple University

·         I start summer classes next Monday and I plan on going back to the gym cuz I’m tired of being skinny (I rather not be fat, but nothing can please me).

I had phone sex 5 days ago. Over-rated and pointless kinda.

·         I’m visiting my old high school tomorrow to see some cool teachers that I might not see in a long time.

I’ve been downloading music like I’m getting paid for it.

·         I got the new Coldplay album + the Japanese bonus tracks 2 days ago and I’m buying the real album on Tuesday.

One of my female friends is seriously trying to persuade me to strip @ her 21^st bday party. This has got to be a joke.

·         And this entry is finished.

With school out, maybe I’ll update more often.

Song of the Day ********* Coldplay – Square One **********

  Also listening to Common's "Be" album. Main tracks: Go!, Be, They Say

Currently Playing New Sacred Cow By Kenna see related

- - Yeneh Ababa (Rose), Man Fading, War in Me, hell Bent, Vexed and Glorious, Freetime, Red Man, Sunday After You

Man Fading/HELL BENT

Here I am again…and “Here it comes again/Can I outrun my desire/…and throw the beauty on the fire”

There are dull moments in life and there are interesting moments and periods. Right now, everything is blah.

I’m burnt out from school. Thank Gawd Spring break starts as of now, but it’s only 1 short week which will be spent working, procrastinating, meeting with a group of friends and attempting to use this free period to attempt and get ahead in all my courses (which also includes a lot of bullshit projects).

For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling very …I can’t describe it in words. I’m not good with words because I’ll tend to contradict shit.

Why is it the ones that are closest to you are usually the ones that can easily betray you? The irony, but then again I’m never surprised at most things. The story of my life. People do things to you only because you allow them, therefore I can take responsibility for my actions. Note to self: Do Not Let them. It’s a lil bit more challenging when you live with them and you are actually RELATED to them. Easier said than done.

As the days go by, I keep wondering and yearning if its gonna be true; the prophecy. I see early signs, but there are many variables that can easily affect how it will all happen. This long waiting period is supposedly for something, I suppose.

I feel damaged. The way things currently are with relationships in my life with my family, some friends and others, I just feel out of place and lost. Through all the experience, I thought I had rebuilt me and created a stronger foundation of myself to not break again but I think I may wrong. “Damaged” is such a fitting word. I’m not sure if I can keep the fake smiles on my face anymore. I need a more positive change of location. Come soon.

[Gray clouds. He awaits. The fighter will fight through it all >despite it all.]

Songs of the Day ****** Kenna – Man Fading & Hell Bent  *******

Song of the Moment – Kenna - Vexed and Glorious

Song currently playing on my site: Evanescence – “My Last Breath”

Currently Playing American Idiot By Green Day see related

- Give Me Novacaine, Blvd of Broken Dreams, Are we Waiting - - - - - - - -

Man, it’s been over a month since I last updated…People thought I had died.

Last year ended and this one began.

During mid January,  I went to New York and got caught up in the snow storm. I didn’t have a great of a time as I thought I would. Its amazing how some people can test my patience. I can't tolerate ass wipes, especially those Im suppose to be related to. Ha.  Boring ass trip. Long story there, but nothing too exciting to know. I DO love New York. The city is great. Kinda reminds me of Chicago.

I was looking for a book today and came across a shoe box. The box had a lot of crap in it (including the book I was looking for). It also had the pictures from 2 years ago when I was a senior in high school visiting the university I want to attend in Chicago. I laughed at myself and then felt sad for a moment. 2 years ago, I thought I would be there…and here I am, still trying to get there…Time really does fly.

I am never surprised when certain event such as this occur: The people that you think are the ones that love you and are suppose to be there for you turn out to be the ones that are doing the most damage to you. Ironic, huh? Life is full of irony, especially mine.

On a lighter note, I went to a concert earlier this month. One of THE most amazing girls took me out to see Keane. Just when I was feeling like no one gave a shit, I get a package of a surprises in the mail from her today, even thought it was suppose to be Valentine’s Day. She’s a great girl (and she knows who she is).

Work. School. Life. Health. Friends. The Future. This semester isn’t as chill as last semester. 300 times more busy. I feel like such crap. I have not hit the gym ONCE this semester started. I have a goal and I am currently not working towards it. Damn, why must other shit occupy my time?

I think a professor may be hitting on me, but I’m not sure …No details will be given.

I have been writing a lot of songs lately. I have bits and pieces of some and I have probably written about 6 completed songs in the last month on various things. I think 4 of them are worthy of being sold (KA- CHING!. Just kidding…but…

I had a lot of things planned to be said but once I get here, they are all lost. I’ll be sure to update more frequently. It's damn near 4 am...time fore me to go.

Song of the Day ********* The Killers – "All These Things Ive Done/ Mr. Brightside"  *******

I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.